A Journey of One Day #8 Notes

Thursday December 23, 2010    notes

On Saturday the 18th my withdrawal symptoms hit their worst.  I was completely frozen except for walking.  My hands could not move, I could barely speak and for the first time I didn’t know what to do and I was feeling hopeless.  Earlier in the day I began to cry and could not stop but didn’t know why exactly I was crying.  Cody had come to see me that evening and we had a good visit; a very emotional but positive interchange.  About 7:00 PM I decided to call Elaine Morris to have her help me do some JSJ.  She agreed to help.  She worked on me for two hours at which time I was moving again.  That is, to the degree that I was before the extreme freezing set in.  That night I was racked with whole body spasms most of the night.  In the morning I took a Dilaudid which calmed down the spasms.  I then slept most of the day until about 1:00 PM.  My hands are still not moving well enough to function on my own.  I went back to Elaine’s again.  She did more JSJ for another two hours.  I had another hard night though not as many body spasms.  On Monday morning I had Tracy go get some Lobelia tincture to help with the body spasms.  It seemed to help taking twenty drops at a time.  I didn’t want to rely too much on Dilaudid since it is also habit forming.  I went back to Elaine’s again and met Tdok.  Elaine and I discovered through muscle testing that I had the trapped emotion of shame in my hands and I needed to release it in order to regain the movement of my hands with or without Dopamine.  We used the Emotion Code method of 110 swipes with a magnet.  I will continue to go to Elaine’s each day to have her do JSJ until I can do it on myself.  I am noticing a gradual increase (very gradual) of improvement in all aspects of motor function.  It seems that my hands are the last place that my body sends Dopamine for now.  Last night I slept on Ariana’s bed to try to get through the night without waking up Tracy.  Her bed is situated such that I can lay more comfortably and turn myself over.  Her room is also quite warmer.  So I need less blankets.  I found that I rested fairly well.  I woke up at 12:30, 2:30, 3:30, 5:30, and then got up at 7:00.  Even though I woke up a lot I went back to sleep each time and slept fairly well until my body got too stiff in that position.  I didn’t have as many body spasms and only used Lobelia.  I’m going to increase the frequency of doses of Lobelia to every two hours to help the stomach cramping and the overall body cramping.  I believe that the trouble that I have with swallowing is simply cramping of the esophagus and it is also a withdrawal symptom.  I believe the JSJ is playing a big role in the speed and ease of my recovery.  I will continue to have it done or do it everyday.  My Dopamine system is still awakening and my muscles are still weak from the absence of the adrenaline I have lived on for ten years now.  I am convinced that my slowness of movement is due to, in part, a mere general weakness of muscle tissue rather than a Dopamine deficiency.  I have learned in my readings of Janice Walton-Hadlock that as I continue to recover my Dopamine system, it will be important to avoid extreme cold, any kind of infectious disease like a virus or bacteria and social stress.  These three things are all big Dopamine depleters. By the way these last few posts I have had someone else typing as I am not able to unless I want it to take me three days.  And thanks to my dear husband and daughter, I get dressed, bathed and fed everyday.  I believe the worst of the non-function days are behind me.

A Journey of One Day #7 Notes

December 17, 2010        Notes

I recently received a supplement called ‘Aquas’; a cell hydration formula.  I believe it was developed by John Colemen of Australia, who recovered himself from Parkinsons.  It’s a homeopathic formula which works on a cellular level in the body.  I took the maximum dosage recommended on the bottle (7 drops) three times in thirty-six hours.  I took a nose dive in function.  The formula had triggered a release of toxins from my cells that now had to be processed.  It was hard sliding backwards in function but I knew it would lift in a few days, and it did.  So now my plan is to take the formula again starting with one drop.  Homeopathics can be very powerful if used correctly.  My goal is to get the most amount of recovery with the least amount of downtime in function.  Today I saw a tiny bit of improvement in my motor function.  I have been experiencing a flare up in my old nerve pain in my right leg caused from earlier back injuries.  The new research shows that when you withdraw from these medications, the weakest part of your body is targeted with symptoms; but they are just symptoms only.  I will continue to play cat and mouse with symptoms and help for the symptoms.  When the nerve pain got too bad, I needed pain medicine.  However, too much of this pain medicine could slow down my recovery process.  Another acute symptom that is very painful is the abdominal cramping.  I constantly feel like I have a ten-pound weight on my solar plexus.  There is a drug that recovering addicts are prescribed to help with this which I took.  I decided to research this drug (as I do with all drugs).  What I found was that it is also an addictive substance that depresses the central nervous system.  It worked well for the abdominal cramping but it will slow down my recovery process.  So I called my herbal nutritionist guru friend here in Modest who has a health food store.  He recommended a great herbal formula called “Herbal Muscle Cramp Formula”.  It is also very potent and should be taken with caution.  It is much easier on the central nervous system though and has worked well for the abdominal cramping.  It is day 33 into my journey of going off of PD drugs.  It has been 7 days since I took my last PD pill.  Wow does it feel good to not live on a pill schedule.  I believe now I will see a gradual improvement in function each day.  It could take up to ten weeks; however, before I am done having withdrawal symptoms.  I still have a lady come in everyday for five hours to help me.  Hopefully I won’t need her too much longer.  Tracy and Ariana are off work and out of school now until January 3.  They take very good care of me.  I actually went on three driving excursions with my helper to do some Christmas errands.  I could drive ok, I just couldn’t get my seatbelt on by myself or get my money out of my wallet and I got very tired after the trips.  So on I go.

A Special Visitor

I had the best Christmas visitors today!! Clair and Afton ! What a little beauty just like her cousin, Brielle. Her momma is looking fabulous too.

 

 

 

What a sweetie pie.  Good work Clair. Love you both.

A Journey of One Day #6 Notes

I am seeing now that I don’t have any medication going into my brain, I can distinguish real movement from synthetically induced movement. I do the JSJ (Jin Shin Jitsyui) three times a day, and it always spurs more natural movement. I had a few minutes of perfect hand movement last night. I slept better than I have in the last four weeks. I also woke up with better hand movement than I have had in the last four weeks. As the day wore on I got slower again, and then after more JSJ movement picked up again slightly. I believe that proper meals, hydration, and positive thinking all play an integral role in my movement. I am feeling very sleepy and some muscle weakness, but it is not extreme. And usually if I sleep during the day, even for a short time, I wake up with good had movement. It only lasts sometimes for fifteen minutes or less but that’s ok for now. I will call this phenomenon HMWS (hands move with sleep). I find that I’m laughing more and easily. I’m enjoying the taste of food for the first time in years; meaning real food, not junk food. Now remember I have not taken any synthetic dopamine in 3 days. This is proof that my brain is re-awakening to produce native dopamine. It will take some time (not sure how much) for my muscles to learn how, or rather, remember how to use native dopamine. It’s all good. I feel it coming back to me. There are times when I’m doing JSJ, when my body is flooded with a sense of euphoria. I’m assuming this is dopamine and other neurotransmitters digging into forgotten territory- tired, atrophied muscles.
The human body is amazing…………………………

A Journey of One Day #5 Making Progress

It is day 31 into my journey to no drugs and no PD. I am now off of all medications for PD. My withdrawal symptoms have not been bad compared to some people’s experiences I have read about. My movement is still very slow. But I can still feed myself and go to the bathroom by myself. Thank Goodness! We hired a lady to come help take care of me during the day when I am alone, and to help with housework and meals. I am still doing weekly trips to Oakland for Bowen Therapy. I do daily Jin Shin Jitsyui Therapy by myself along with meditation and  relaxation. The relaxation comes easy since I can’t do much else any way.

My feeling is that in a few weeks I will be moving again, pretty close to normal. Its still takes tremendous faith and self control to keep my fears in check. But on this score God has assured me that it will be as I have said.

I find that I am surprised that I am not more restless being constantly in the house. But I am actually enjoying it. This is due to the fact that my brain is no longer being driven by adrenaline. For probably the first time my body is learning to exist and move with all the correct brain chemicals. It could take another six months for my brain and body to be completely in sync. I also see how my thought processes are also now being triggered in the correct way. In the morning when I look at my face in the mirror I see softer eyes and they seem more real.

I shared my intentions of quitting PD drugs with my neurologist last week. I was pleasantly surprised at her reaction. She told me after I had explained it all to her that she thought it was reasonable. She asked me to stay in touch with her and report my progress. I thanked her for being open and for really listening to me. She said if she were in my place, she may do the same thing. She knows that I am the kind of person that needs to look for what’s best for me and my health and she said as my doctor she will be supportive and help me in any way she can. The big kicker here was when she said she would like to share my experience and knowledge with some of her other patients who are at about the same place I was in dealing with their PD. This made me very happy. Thank you Dr. Hansrote!  I am keeping an extensive journal of each day during this process. This could be very helpful for others. It is how I was able to safely come to this point; by reading what others had done. I will be forever grateful to those individuals that were part of the Parkinson’s Recovery Project in Santa Cruz, CA. And also to John Coleman, a Naturopath in Australia for his work with Parkinson’s recovery. You could call these people pioneers of sorts.

I have come to the conclusion that one’s journey is always built upon another’s journey. That’s why we are here on this earth; to help one another along the way. I believe my journey will see brighter days ahead.  I hope to be able to travel to Utah the first week of February when my grandson, Beckham, is born.  My second grandaughter was born December 9.  She is named Afton.  These two sweet, noble spirits, being born at such a time, are a symbol of my ‘new life’ ahead.  We’ll be starting out together!!

Afton 4 hours old

                                               Beckham  ^shopping with Mom

MERRY   CHRISTMAS !

A Journey of One Day #4 A few notes

Friday,  December 2

I wake up moving slow, I get slower within two hours, It’s hard to fix my own breakfast but I do it. Feeding myself is very slow. I choke easily so I keep the foods soft or chew very well.  I tell myself again and again this is temporary.
My main focus needs to be eating well, keeping warm, no anxiety causing situations, sleep, meditation and therapy (Bowen and Jin shin Jitsyui).

In three weeks I have reduced one drug by 75% and the other one by 50%.
My withdrawal symptoms have been mild so far. My brain is constantly working to adapt to these changes. I can see now how the available dopamine moves from the limbic area (automatic body functions), to the frontal lobe (thought processing), and to the motor area. As the dopamine enhancing drugs are reduced, my brain is awakening its own dopamine production. It takes time. No quick fix here.

My voice and word enunciation are affected by the drug withdrawal. In fact all the previous symptoms caused by the PD drugs become w/d symptoms;  insomnia, severe muscle cramping (only in my rt foot).  Other w/d symptoms are the chills and sweats, diaphragm constriction, erratic, traveling body pain, and bouts of extreme emotion.

I move better as the day progresses for small time periods. It will all improve more rapidly after I am off the drugs.

When I’m not doing all of the above, I pass the time by watching movies, listening to audio scriptures downloaded from lds.org, and documenting this experience.

I’m doing better than I expected. Keep praying for me.

My journey is not in vain.  One precious day at a time, moment by moment, slow and steady wins the race.

Sending my love-

Mom/ Tracy

A Journey of One Day #3

Friday, November 26     The day after Thanksgiving

According to research in the recent neurology world, just thinking hopeful thoughts helps your brain to produce dopamine; the thing my brain lacks.
And according to the work and writings of Janice Walton-Hadlock, the newest pioneer (in my estimation) in conclusive PD patient help, dopamine has it’s use and need in many parts of the brain, not just the motor area. She also proves that the marvelous human brain makes no mistakes. It does whatever is necessary to protect itself to keep our bodies functioning at whatever level. It is man that makes mistakes with his/her actions, words, thoughts, with harmful drugs, etc.  And if a brain which has taken significant injury due to emotional trauma and harmful drugs, it will need very specific actions to recover. The key here is that it is possible to recover to a certain point, depending on the person’s particular body and situation.  This is happening. PD patients are recovering to the point of normalcy. Mind you, they are few and they are not spotlighted by anyone.  It is against the law to be cured of disease. It makes more than one medical professional nervous when you start talking about recovery from Parkinson’s.

However, these few individuals are speaking up and speaking out to find others who may have the courage and desire to recover as well.  It is happening!  BUT………………..it is a long and arduous nightmare if not approached correctly. This process is understood by very few.

To undergo this transformation from PD to ‘normal’ one must make a complete lifestyle change. This change is to allow the ‘adrenaline’ brain to be turned off and the ‘dopamine’ brain to re-awaken. These changes for me include doing nothing but focusing on relaxing my body, clearing my mind of the past negative ‘things’, sleeping, meditating, connecting with God, laughing, doing whatever is necessary to develop the dopamine brain back into action. This process in the brain of awakening dormant dopamine activity can take 6 months or longer after clearing the brain of all drugs. 

90% of my existence in the next 6 months will be in my home, chemical free, controlled temperature, a quiet, spiritual atmosphere, safe and nurturing. This is what I need as well as some Bowen Therapy and some specific nutrition. My family knows they will be functioning without me in a manner.
While I wait for native dopamine to build, I experience hard moments which require extreme faith in the future and knowledge that God is beside me.
For example, yesterday I had 2 hours of time where I could move freely without struggling. The rest of the 22 hours I sat or lay motionless or shuffled around at a snail’s pace.  You should have seen me trying to tell my husband how to make a pie for Thanksgiving. Funny….

This is my only alternative to the horrors of dyskinesia caused by PD drugs. I’m at the point of no return. It’s only forward without the drugs.
My hands are shutting down now as my body uses the available dopamine for things like breathing and maintaining body temperature. Movement is on the back burner until further notice.

We spent Thanksgiving eating and watching old movies. Relaxed, loved, focused on ‘hope’. I feel my brain and body changing, no longer driven by adrenaline. It’s like James Brown’s song……..I feeeeeeel good………..sort of.

Here are some things that give me hope-

my newly remodeled living room and our kitty named Whisker’s

beautiful birds that visit my backyard, large and small

 brilliant sunsets

I’ve been typing with one finger for some time now. Time for meditation and sleep even though I only got up 2 hours ago……

A Journey of One Day #2

A new day dawns rainy, cold. I watch out my window as two tiny yet stout birds find morning sustenance among my backyard plants. One is content to sit on the concrete and enjoy his meal unaware I am ten feet from him. His friends are in the tree above him and beckon him up. They are protected by the thick foliage of this tree and the camouflage it provides.  One or two of them come down and grab a bite quickly then they are gone again. They are no bigger than a small egg.  They seem to have limitless energy. Watching them has brought my hands to life.
I was awake early today. I said goodbye to my darling as he journeyed yet another time the long road to his job. I have the thought in my head to find all the candles we have and organize them and put them somewhere they will be easily accessible. I am prompted to go and buy some more today.  That is done. I sit at my computer and read emails and listen and read uplifting words and one from an interesting lady named Keisha Crowther talking about how the world, earth, is changing and will be changed completely to it’s Heavenly state within 2 years and how we should prepare, change the way we live to reflect only the heart and love and not fear what is coming but glory in it.
It is quiet, peaceful, warm in my house.  Ariana and her friend, Lexia are still asleep. Their school has a fall break this entire week.  I look at my hammock, outside the slider door on the patio, bare of any covering now, waiting out the cold like me. I have such warm, wonderful memories of lying in my hammock feeling the sun on my body, comfortable and relaxed.
I am anticipating the next week to be hard for my body as I deny it the drugs it has had for 6 years now; just a little at a time will I do this so as to not cause severe shock.
I experience tightness in my diaphragm, nausea, sleepiness. It will probably get worse. I know that they are temporary symptoms of withdrawal. I have the power to overcome this and recover my central nervous system. I disengage from the emotions that have kept me living in my past. I move forward one step, one day at a time preparing for tomorrow by living today fully.
I am enjoying the bird life out in my backyard this morning. I’ve seen five different kinds of birds come to drink and eat from my yard even though it is raining.  These are California winter birds.  My cat, Whiskers, has joined me now and is excitedly looking for birds also. She paces to the other side of the room now then leaves because all the birds have gone for now.
I am thankful for this warm, cozy home, for my eyes to see the beauty of the earth, for my hands that create words here and do so many things, for my brain that has the power to heal itself. 
Heavenly Father is with me always, his light and the light of Christ are in me; sustaining me moment to moment just as he sustains these birds. He knows me as I know Him.
I have no doubt that I will recover my health and in a few short years the earth will be renewed with the Savior’s presence and we will all be renewed with perfect bodies; what a thought!
The day is before me. I reverence it as another opportunity to learn and grow and share my love and be better than I was yesterday. 

The day
This day now
Thoughts, actions
Compelling, sustaining
Intellect, consciousness
Beauty, harmony
Thanksgiving, patience
Solitude, humanity
Nature, love,
Forgiving, enduring
Exciting, adventure                                                                                         Family    , neighbors, friends
Black and white kitty
Rain, green trees,
Red and yellow trees
Sky, air, breathe
Awareness, priorities
Prepare, Rest, Play
Enjoy, Remember.
The day.
This day.
Now.                                               


Tracy/ Mom                               
November 23, 2010                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

A Journey of One Day #1

Each day in my journey to the life of 'No Drugs, No PD' is monumental. As I type with one hand at a snail's pace, I look forward to using both hands.  As my body and my brain go thru this change I'm not 100% sure what to expect except that the outcome will be better than previous circumstances. This statement may be controversial to some but for me it's the only acceptable choice.

A JOURNEY OF ONE DAY

A day in a life is a cycle of happening.
An hour in the day is a small child napping.
A minute in the hour is a waiting period.
A second within the minute is thought varied.
Or is it buried?

A day, a day, a day for what?
A day for me, it means so much.
An hour or two, a minute, a second
They’re full of meaning, never vacant.

A day is for living, thinking, learning.
A day is for pondering, loving, yearning.
A day is filled with great and profound moments,
They must not, must not pass by- unnoticed.

A cycle, an hour, a minute, a second
What just happened? Can you see it and reckon?
The thought, the feeling, the word, the gesture.
Is the makeup, the heart of our moments’ architecture.

Repetition, experience; ‘round the cycle we go
Does it e’er stop? We cannot know.
The cycle like the moment consists of memories.
Things most likely to be found in diaries.

An hour of power.
What do we do with an hour?
Just part of a schedule?
Or time in the shower?

An hour like a clock, never stops counting on
On to the next hour, on to the dawn.
Waking, working, wanting, willing
Praying, earning, stopping, filling.

Wake me in an hour
Or else I’ll be sour.
I’ll be back in an hour.
With a bouqet of spring flowers.

Mind the minutes of your existence.
Define them, remember them. Be persistent.
Wait a minute. Do you have a minute?
What is it about……………….?
It’s about the here and now, the infinitesimal minute.

Seconds in a day are like sands of the sea.
Coming and going, filling our needs.
A second passed is gone forever.
While it’s here, it must be savored.

The journey of time in one day is mystical.
For man it could be simple, even whimsical.
For God it is purely logical and spiritual.
Together they make the journey of one day eternal!

In the eternal setting, it all makes more sense, has a different value and clearer perspective. Heavenly Father knows. That's good enough for me.

Summer Highlights from my Camera

My camera was clicking all summer long. In my backyard, up at the wonders in the sky, our new kitten, our family  and our home. I would have forgotten many of these moments if not for my camera.  Some of the experiences were a once in a lifetime 'shot'.  Life is for us to enjoy.  How can we not enjoy these moments.......

My neighbors cactus

This tiny bird eating our peaches

This dragonfly came back to the yard every day for a week.

Sunset

Sunrise

wildflowers in the alley

Oranges in the morning sun

The resting place of our 2 dear cats of 14 years, Monkey and Cleo.

cloud formations

A trip to Monterey

And our annual trip to Seacliffe.

Oliver and Whiskers meet.

Whiskers modeling a tutu

What our pets endure.

Tracy puts her to sleep so we can read.

naptime

Oliver and Whiskers at play!

Our hawk friends brought others to hunt on our street for a good portion of the summer-lots of gophers!!

4 of them taking a break. I got these shots from our roof.

There are 2 hawks camouflaged in the foliage.

The 3 sidekicks.

My little blonde bombshell enjoying a swim.

1st day of school carpool. (It was still summer)

I finished planting ground cover with much appreciated help.

My hardworking husband on the roof. He was up there every day for 3 months (except Sundays).

Goodbye old, ugly shingles.

Tracy's son Taz helping during their July visit.

Looks lovely!

Tracy cut down a huge pine tree that was giving both us and our neighbor a lot of trouble.

 

Ariana had a great time helping.

 

 

More evidence of tree work..

 

 

A much needed rest!!

We had peaches galore and fresh vegetables thanks to Clair's garden.

The watermelons were delicious.

 

Of course, we danced.

Thanks for these shots Cody :)

I'll never stop dancing.....

All in all, a great summer!  Hope yours was great too!

What is the saying?....   We are the sum of our experiences.